i hate driving in cities.

i absolutely hate it. i don’t care if i’m driving a tiny geo metro with me being the only one on the road.

so when my dad got the bright idea to have me drive our gigantic dodge  in ….not denton….not lewistown.

but great falls. (dad was working at the MAGGIE so he said he didn’t have time to be my chauffeur. psh)

i’d say the time he decided to re-pierce my nose with a safety pin was a better idea than this one. (and keep in mind that ended with me running through the house screaming with a saftey pin hanging out of my nose)

sooo….despite my protests and fake tears, he sent me on my way to mcdonalds ALL ALONE.

i ended up getting to mcdonalds without crushing any small animals or smashing into any cars because i got the break and clutch pedal confused (not that i accidentally put a trailer hitch through the radiator of our geo because of this mistake or anything).

i started to get some confidence and actually felt kind of bad ass in the dodge.

i puffed my chest out, turned up my music, and turned into mcdonalds!

…………and then found out i’d pulled into a part where cars were only supposed to come OUT…..and the angry lady in her minivan let me know with her violent hand motions and eventually the middle finger.

so i panicked and was too terrified to back out into the street, so i drove around the mini-van super bitch, and was going to make a fast attempt at parking.

well kudos to the person with the giant ford pick up for ruining my LIFE. i attempted to park to next to the fellow giant, and ended up parking extremely crooked with my tailgate merely inches from him. so i decided to back up and try to straighten myself out. and realized all the honking was because i had blocked the drive-thru.

this is when my cool, calm attitude i had going on gave me the big fuck you! and left town.

i started bawling because obviously it was going to help in this situation, and stalled the pickup while trying to move out of the way of people who acted like i had kept them waiting for hours. it was only like two….three…..approximately eight minutes. it was a saturday morning…who the hell is in a hurry on a saturday morning? the crowd who gathered by the windows sure didn’t have anything going on as they all pointed at me while laughing. after backing up numerous times, crying, yelling at my dad, and punching the steering wheel. i ended up parked next (way too close for comfort) to the ford. i sat in the pickup and took some deep breaths before i got the balls to walk into mcdonalds.

i swear as soon as i walked in the place went SILENT and everyone looked down trying to hide their “what a fucking moron” smirks. but i kept on going straight to the bathroom and hid there until i was sure the owner of the ford was gone and couldn’t find me. (i wish i was kidding)




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