Monthly Archives: October 2010

Not So Funny….

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This past month and a half has been a roller coaster of emotions…I’ve been kicked down. I got treated horribly for no reason. I picked myself back up, and got kicked down again. I made some poor decisions, let too many things get to my head, and tried to make something work that wasn’t there.

Well, I’m going through the “kicked down” phase right now.

Instead of sobbing, gorging myself with fattening foods, and listening to The Weepies on repeat…

I’m picking myself back up, and doing this how it should have been done a long time ago.

I was raised to be a strong, independent woman and I’m going to make my mom proud =)

I have a lot of things wrong with me. I’m too sensitive, opinionated, loud, and just obnoxiuos in general. I get pretty clingy and have trouble accepting the truth.

But I KNOW that I am a good person, and that I deserve way better than this.

Some of you are going to be reading this and thinking, “Wow…some boy must have pissed her off”.

Well, sadly I’m talking about myself. I can be immature and point fingers, but this is all a result of my poor decision making. No one had me at gun point violently forcing me to do what I did. I had good friends advising me against it, but being the stubborn thing I am, I trudged on.

It’s time for some self-improvement.

Advice to myself (and maybe others)

-Forgetting the past is impossible, but you don’t need to live in it

-You are the only person who should be in control of your happiness

-Learn to appreciate the people that love you and want the best for you

-Be at peace with everything. It all happens for some crazy reason

-Believe in yourself

So….I’m sorry if anyone was expecting to get a big chuckle from this blog post =). It was something I needed to do for me.

And thank you so much to everyone that has been reading. It means SO much to me.

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Reasons why. . .

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Coach will never ever make me a captain of the volleyball again

-Even though it’s been a month since, I still refer to myself as “Captain Mac”

Example: “Captain Mac is hungry”, “Captain Mac needs a nap!”, “CAPTAIN MAC WANTS SUPPER NOW MOM!”

-Wearing a sailor’s suit….with of course a captain’s hat

-Paying a trumpeter to play a tune everytime I enter a room

-Changing the name of Billy Joel’s classic ‘Captain Jack’ to ‘Captain Mac’ and singing it daily

-Forcing Tucker, Mom, Dad, and Coach to carry me everywhere in a sedan chair

Anyway, I got past my writer’s block FINALLY last night. Not where I would have hoped though. . . I wasn’t sitting in my room with my “clever thoughts” notebook that has nothing remotely clever in it. I wasn’t sitting in a coffee shop looking trendy with smart-people glasses.

The inspiration hit me on the volleyball court. It came to me right as the server from the other team was tossing up the ball. So as I was laughing to myself about the hilarious-ness of my idea, a volleyball was coming straight for me. Actually, it was way above my head and obvious to even the most inexperienced volleyball player.

It’s a DAMN good thing I have the athleticism of a koala bear and have a vertical jump of 1/2 an inch! I jumped up trying to stop it, despite the screaming protests of my teammates. So I missed it, but you can’t say I didn’t try! After that happened, my volleyball coach sat on the sidelines violently yelling at me to stay down as I smiled and waved while trying to tell him I just thought of a brilliant new blog idea. . . Probably a good thing he didn’t hear me!

FAIL

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I’ve been confused about what to blog about for a couple of days now…

I asked some friends….

These are the suggestions I got

-Cocaine

-Tits

-Pirates

…………….

So, Taylor Swift’s new song will be on iTunes in about 3 hours! Score!

I used to hide my love for T-Swizzle. I didn’t want people to NOT think I was a cynical asshole.

Does anyone remember when her first single Tim McGraw came out? I didn’t have iTunes or Limewire, so I would sit by my tiny little radio in my room and wait for it to come on. Since I didn’t know the lyrics very well, I would awkwardly mumble along until the chorus started. Those were the days!

I know some people are reading this (Ty), and thinking to yourself “Taylor Swift has NO talent!”

SUCK IT!

On a different note, I’m sorry this blog post BLOWS. For some reason, my brain hasn’t been feeling witty OR creative. Not very Mac like…. Hopefully it changes soon =)

Thanks for reading!

A letter to my dead goat….

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Norman-

Never ever, ever,ever, EVER did I think I’d miss you as much as I do. I think I speak for the whole family when I say that. It’s safe to say you did a good job of making sure none of us would ever forget you, and left us with some HILARIOUS (disturbing) memories.

I remember the day when Tucker brought you home. He packed you into the house with the biggest grin on his face. I took one look at you, and automatically knew you were going to be trouble. Even though for the first couple of weeks, you just sat there and stared at the floor, you had that creepy little glint in your eyes. I saw right through your “innocent goat” act!

As you grew bigger, the more violent and hornier you got! You tried to hump cats, people, and dogs. Anything that would hold still long enough! You’d follow us anywhere you possibly could. If you didn’t get attention, you’d do your obnoxious goat yell till we yelled back at you. The other thing you’d do is head butt us. It was cute at first…until you grew horns! You probably got a big laugh out of going down to the school and finding little kids to “play” with. If you were trying to embarass me, it worked! I’d be sitting in class when the office would call to tell me that my goat was in the janitor’s room, guarding the gym door, chasing people, trying to get into cars, or getting into a duel with a bus driver. I’d also get calls from random people around town to tell me that you were in the yard. So I’d have to go find you with my “goat leash”, and drag your stubborn ass home! You never went without a dramatic fight. It was fun when one of our neighbors threatened to call the cops on us because of YOU. Thanks Norman…..=)……

I could go on and on about all the crazy shit you did, the problems you caused, and just all your sick goat ways. But I’m writing a blog, not a novel.

All that I can say is that I really, really miss you. You always had us laughing and  just made life more exciting.

I hope you found some fine ass goat bitches up there =)

Love you Norman!

After some careful thinking…

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Why the HELL do I need a boyfriend when I can have a gay man in my life instead?

Oh sure, all the cute romantic, lovey dovey stuff can’t really be done by a gay man (unless something different is going on….I don’t judge). But for people with no souls, like myself for instance, that shit doesn’t matter.

After some interesting (HORRIBLE) dating experiences with those creatures they call straight men, I have found I’m a lot more happier cruising around, singing Cher at the top of my lungs, and scoping out hot guys with a flamboyant gay guy.

Will a gay guy complain when you ask him to go shopping with you? Helllllllll no! He’ll be in the car screaming at you to hurry the hell up before you even got done asking him! When you try on clothes, he will NOT be afraid to tell you if your ass looks fat in those pants! A straight boyfriend would be trying to score brownie points for ONE reason (ahem…) when you asked him how you looked in those atrocious jeans! A gay man will understand that shopping for the perfect outfit cannot be done in just ONE store in under 15 minutes. It takes TIME….Plus, he’ll appreciate how hot you look in the end! He won’t be secretly thinking, “I don’t really care about your outfit, I just care about getting your outfit OFF”.

Chick flicks? NO COMPLAINING FROM A GAY GUY! He’ll be right next to you with a box of kleenex and Ben & Jerry’s getting as emotionally involved as you!

Will a gay guy fuck with your head? Nope.  Will he leave you for another girl? In the words of my friend Eli, “ew….vagina’s (insert shudder)”. Will he get jealous when you check out another guy? He’s probably the one who pointed the hottie out to you!

So, there you have it. This is why I would pick a gay man over a straight guy ANY DAY. I could come up with a lot more reasons, but math homework is demanding my attention (barf)

MOM-DON’T READ THIS POST

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TOP 12 REASONS RUDY SHOULD BE SHIPPED TO KOREA

1) I AM FORCED AGAINST MY WILL TO REFER TO HIM AS MY “LITTLE BROTHER”

2) THE CONSTANT LEG HUMPING. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE I’M THE ONLY ONE HE DOES IT TOO

3) HE TRIES TO CHEW UP MY PANDA “JEFF” THAT I MADE AT BUILD-A-BEAR

4) HE HUMPS CATS

5) HE MANAGES TO BURP OR FART ANYTIME HE IS CLOSE TO MY FACE

6) HE TRIED TO DIG UP MY DEAD HAMSTER’S GRAVE

7) “RUDOLPH EUGENE” IS HIS FULL NAME. ANYONE WITH A NAME LIKE THAT IS BOUND TO BE A PAIN IN THE ASS

8 ) HE INTENTIONALLY TRIES TO RUIN MY LIFE

9) HE STARES AT ME WHILE I’M EATING AND MAKES A WEIRD WHINEY SOUND, AND ALWAYS COMES BACK AFTER I KICK HIM. GET THE HINT DOG!

10) HE POUNCES ON MY FACE EVERY SINGLE MORNING

11) THE FACT MY MOM REFERS TO HIM AS THE “PERFECT CHILD”

12) I’M SUPPOSED TO BE “GRATEFUL” HE’S PROTECTING ME WHEN HE HOPS ON MY BED AT 2 IN THE MORNING AND STARTS BARKING AT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

SECOND POST!

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This morning as soon as I woke up, I hopped out of bed, did my morning stretches, had a healthy nutritious breakfast, and knew exactly what I wanted to blog about today!

LIE!

The truth:

I woke up , looked at the clock, cussed, slept some more, rolled out of bed, and had tiny pizza rolls and a Coke for breakfast. Plus, I STILL don’t know what I want to blog about. I could blog about the fight I had with my ex-boyfriend (Mom, I know you are going to read this and feel inclined to ask me about it. Don’t). I could blog about how I need to shower, but it takes too much effort to stand up for that long. I could blog about my annoyance when someone only leaves enough coffee in the pot to fill up the bottom of your cup. I could blog about how grumpy I am! …..except it appears I’m already doing that! I looked for inspiration in the fridge. Nothing there. I looked through all the music on my iPod, and no song really jumped out to me yelling “OH I TOTALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD WRITE ABOUT TODAY!”. The only song that brings me any joy at all today is “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey. This song is the most played on my iPod I just discovered. It’s my go-to song when I feel like I’m going to break down in tears….or throw a brick through a window. So obviously I’ve been feeling like this a lot lately. So when you see me looking pissed off at the world with my ear phones in know that I’m not rocking out to Five Finger Death Punch, Lamb of God, or ….another one of those angry sounding bands. I’m listening to the LEAST angry song in the entire world. (Reason 31 why Mac is uncool).

Something good happened today though! Rudy (Mom’s cocker spaniel who loves to ruin my life) sprinted into my room this morning like he always does and I immediatly pulled the blankets over my head because I know his routine like the back of my hand. Instead of trying to pull the covers back by digging at them so he could lick my face or try to rip the hair out of my scalp by playing tug-a-war with it, or burp in my face, or humping my stuffed animals when I don’t give him attention, he curled up by my feet and went to sleep. I got my foot ready to kick his ass off my bed, but he actually looked not so evil as he slumbered away. So I let him stay.

See, I’m not that big of an asshole! (most of the time)